Welcome to the world Charlie Mei
Born on Thursday the 14th of February (Valentines Day) 2019, at 9:51pm, which as I'm writing this post would make her almost 8 weeks old.
Today's entry is a recollection of the day she was born. The day our sweet little Charlie added more heartbeats into our lives and the familiar sound of new life to our home.
This post is pretty much a copy and paste of what I've written in a little journal I started the day after we brought little Charlie Mei home from the hospital. Something that will be placed in her memory box to read when she's older.
Everyone has their birth story, I for sure know each of my labours were different from one another. This is what happened the day Charlie Mei was born.
Saturday 16th February 2019
To my dearest Charlie,
You're finally here.
As I write this letter to you, you're curled up in a sweet little ball. Swaddled in a blanket that your daddy wrapped you up so well in. He's always been the expert at swaddling.
You're sleeping so gently in your bassinet next to me.
Ever so often I hear little grunts coming from you. I thought I would be used to your sleeping sounds since your Ate and Kuya did the exact same, but I'm not. I can't help but always look at you to check if you're breathing fine. I sometimes even softly shake you awake, just ever so gently, or place my finger beneath your nostrils, to see if you're okay. A rush of relief would hit me when I see your chest rise and fall again.
Right now the days and nights are such a blur. That's why I've started this journal for you. I want to write down everything because I know in a months time I won't remember these sweet moments.
When mummy was holding you in my tummy I knew instantly that you would be coming earlier than your due date.
It was something I would constantly tell daddy. He would say that I was just being impatient. That I just wanted to hold you in my arms already.
He was right. So was I. You came 4 days early!
Let's start from the day before your birthday, Wednesday the 13th of February. At 2:30am. I woke up needing to go to the toilet. Even though it was something I had done nearly every hour in my third trimester, this was different.
I looked down. I saw blood.
Panic and excitement filled me. So this is what the mummy forums called a 'bloody show'. I've never experienced this before.
I woke daddy up. I showed him the evidence.
Note, daddy doesn't like being woken up to a piece of tissue with blood on it shoved to his face.
I spent the rest of the morning googling 'bloody show'.
Dear google, how long after the bloody show will the baby come?
It plunged me into the deep, spiraling rabbit hole of mummy forums, which let me tell you now, can be very overwhelming - and underwhelming.
Mummy forums: "It can take a couple of weeks after the bloody show for labour to start".
Me: Weeks. Weeks... Weeks?! But she's meant to come early! A mothers intuition is always right!
Going by my strong intuition that you were going to come in a couple of days (not weeks). And having it be a day that both Ate and Kuya were at school (thankfully), I scheduled the rest of the day for myself.
Went shopping.
Got a foot massage.
Finally bought that lipstick at Mecca I had been eyeing for months.
I even took a nap!
Mummy knew it would be a while till I could do anything of that sort after you made your debut.
Lesson One, when opportunities present themselves to you - always take advantage.
I anxiously timed the contractions while daddy... continued sleeping. Of course he did.
Me: Hun, I just had a really bad cramp. I think it was a contraction.
Daddy: Huh?... okay... wake me up when you're sure and they're closer together.
It wasn't until about 10 am that we decided to make our way to the hospital.
Before I continue with the story I want to let you know that during my entire pregnancy with you, I had grown a huge fear. That fear was of mummy not making it to the hospital in time for your birth. I grew this fear because before you, Kuya James came out very quickly and we were very (very) unprepared. I didn't want a similar situation happening again.
As soon as we reached the hospital and finally found a parking spot the contractions suddenly stopped.
A. Complete. Halt.
Was this false labour? I've read about those on those mummy forums.
We decided to go into the birthing unit anyway. Screw it!
What's the worse that could happen? They send us home?
Maybe if we're lucky the midwives could do one of those membranes sweep things to have things progress again.
After being monitored for about an hour by the midwives and finding out I was now 3cms dilated we were given two options.
One, stay at the hospital and wait for labour to progress.
Or Two, go home in comfort and wait.
I chose the latter. I absolutely hate the stuffiness of hospitals. And I needed a nap.
We went home, cuddled your Ate and Kuya and then I took The. Best. Nap. Ever. (it really was needed).
It was about 6pm when my sleep was interrupted by a contraction.
Labour had picked up again. You were on your way.
I was reenergized. I was pumped, locked and loaded. I was ready to have you in my arms.
Did you know one of the things they say you should do to make labour progress faster is to be on your feet? According to the mummy forums of course. So that's what I did.
I organised your Ate and Kuya's wardrobe.
I watered all my indoor plants.
Ironed a basket full of clothes.
I rechecked the hospital bags to make sure I didn't under pack - or overpack.
When 8:50pm rolled around contractions started coming around every 4 minutes. I felt like I couldn't walk anymore.
Ensues panic.
I told Dad to hurry up. To call your Ama and Yeye to come and watch over your Ate and Kuya. I was scared that with every contraction I was experiencing was the one that would make you come out.
The drive to the hospital felt like a complete rush. A complete blur.
Car windows were rolled down. Even though it was summer it was the coolest evening we had in months (mummy's ideal weather to go into labour - bravo on the impeccable timing Charlie!).
All the street and traffic lights were bright. All I could hear was my loud breathing and the FM radio playing with every contraction that went by.
I remember daddy saying "I think this is it".
No duh. And are we getting hit with every single red light possible?
We parked the car at the hospital at 9:25pm. I know the exact time because up until this moment I was timing and logging my contractions into my phone.
The walk from the car to the entryway of the hospital was about 15 meters but looked forever away. I probably stopped about 4 times just on that short walk to breathe through my contractions.
On our way to the hospital doors, a security guard ran past us to get a wheelchair. He sat me in the wheelchair and literally ran, pushing me to the birthing unit.
The rush of the air going past me as the security guard ran with me in tow. Dad, close behind, holding the hospital bags. Hospital lights blurring past overhead.
With every corridor we exited, we were met with a new one. Why is this birthing unit so far from the hospital's entrance?!
Groups of people looked at the scene we left behind as we rushed past to make a new one. At this point, I didn't care. I just didn't want to give birth anywhere else other than a birthing room.
We were ushered into a room.
I stood up. Removed my pants. Told dad that I felt like I needed to push. He called a midwife who then came inside.
"She's coming. I think I need to push... or to pee. I have no idea. Something needs to come out."
I asked if I could give birth standing up. There was no way in hell that I was going to be confined to laying down on a bed in this much pain.
Lesson Two, standing up to deliver makes things so much easier. Not from a mummy forum. From experience. Gravity - take advantage!
I must've been panicking. I heard daddy explaining to the midwife that I had been scarred from your brothers birth.
I really need to explain why I keep mentioning your Kuya's birth.
When I was in labour with your Kuya I kept telling the midwives that I needed to push. This was not false labour. They didn't hear me. They kept telling me that they weren't even sure if this was real labour.
It was bloody real.
I said, either a baby was coming out or I needed to go do a big poo. They sent me to the bathroom... and like I said it was either going to be a big poo... or a baby.
Can you guess which one it was? Yes. Yes, your Kuya was a toilet baby.
I get it. Toilet baby. Big deal.
But with the pain of labour and everything else that goes into delivering a baby, I needed a calm, safe and nurturing environment to greet my babies and their first breath. Not anxiety. Not a toilet bowl.
It was after your daddy told the midwife what happened with your Kuya that she calmly but firmly held my hands, looked me in the eyes and said:
"Vanessa. I am here. I am not going to leave you alone. If you need to push, you push. Trust your body. It will happen naturally and I will be here with you every second of it."
That was the magic words I needed. The confirmation. The reassurance. Everything was going to be okay.
I replied with "I'm pushing!".
Picture this.
Mummy standing up. Legs apart. Pants down. Leaning on the right side of the foot of the bed.
Daddy. Standing up. Leaning on the left side of the foot of the bed. Holding my hands. Mantra-ing me:
"You've got this!"
"I love you!"
"Push bub, push!"
Then there was the midwife. Behind me. Crouching down. Ready to catch you.
It was a sight. Especially for the midwife.
I felt Every. Single. Thing.
First push.
Your head made surface.
I felt the midwife turning you as your head came out.
Relax Vanessa, breathe through the burning pain.
Second push.
Wait a minute, did the midwife just she just wipe my butt? Did I just poo myself?!
A wash of relief and emotion greeted me just as the rest of you came out.
Midwife calmly: Look down Vanessa.
All pain ceased to exist.
For that first couple of seconds, as my eyes saw you, the rest of the world ceased to exist.
I was sobbing. Dad was sobbing.
I held you in my arms. Daddy held you in his. We couldn't stop staring.
Your chunky cheeks. Your plump lips. 10 fingers, 10 toes. The amount of hair on that head!
You cried. I laughed. How cute was that cry? She sounds like a cat.
You were here. You were so beautiful. You were perfect.
Welcome to our world Charlie Mei. Welcome to our family. I know everything's so new to you. I know your Ate and Kuya are loud. And I'm sorry no, you can't choose your family. But we all love you so much.
I always tell Daddy that if we don't spoil you, your Ate and Kuya definitely will.
I am so full of love when I see your sleeping face. You are so perfect. You are such a wonder.
I love you so much.
Mummy.
Ps. I'm sorry I always smother you in kisses. I can't help it. I would eat you if I could.
Thank's everyone for visiting today's blog post. I have more blog posts lined up. A few DIY's and more journal entries and baby updates - I'm pretty much dabbling into everything I love.
I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week and thank you for reading something so raw and vulnerable to me.
xo/ Vanessa
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